IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR SUBSCRIBERS

Until today I have handled subscriptions to this blog through bloglet and accumulated quite a few subscribers.

In the process of making my site feed easier to access I have also changed the manner in which subscriptions will be handled. I will now be processing subscriptions through FeedBlitz and have changed the subscription box to reflect this update.

FeedBlitz allowed me to import the majority of my subscribers from bloglet except for those who chose to keep their email address anonymous. For the next week I will keep the bloglet updates active - after which I will shut down bloglet and only run FeedBlitz.

If you subscribed prior to today and requested to keep your email address private/anonymous - you will need to visit the home page and resubscribe. The vast majority of subscribers should be fine except that in the next week you will notice a change in the format of your updates as well as the email address from which you receive updates.

If you were a subscriber and notice in the next couple weeks that you have stopped receiving updates please either resubscribe via the home page or shoot me an email through the link on the home page. I'll try my hardest to resolve any issues subscribers have as a result of this change.

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Finally, FeedBlitz will be made active on January 4th, the day bloglet will be disabled. This will prevent current subscribers from receiving double updates for the next week. This will also provide current subscribers a chance to contact me if they would like to be removed from the email update database in lieu of a site feed subscription. However, this also means that though the FeedBlitz subscription box is now active, site updates will not begin until the first update on January 4th. In short, if you are a new subscriber you will not begin getting updates until after the 4th. Please do not be concerned unless you fail to receive an update after this time. Site feed subscriptions should begin immediately.

Again, please feel free to contact me either through comments or email (via the home page) with any questions. Hopefully this changeover will go smoothly!

Happy Holidays!

The Divorce and Custody Blog will be on semi-hiatus for the next couple weeks. I'll be out of town Thurs the 22nd though the 27th and again from the 30th to the 3rd. Possibly I'll have a chance to post in between...

If not, however, I did not want to miss the chance to say Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to everyone.

Group getting its wish: Custody issue out in the open - Illinois

Group getting its wish: Custody issue out in the open

Excerpts:

About 40 people turned out at a meeting Dec. 6 in Urbana to hear the executive director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children talk about ways to get the Illinois legislature and the Champaign County judiciary to consider shared parenting.

"Courts regularly separate fit parents from children," Michael Mc-Cormick said. "We think the starting point should be equal time."

In late October, the group launched a billboard campaign in Urbana, calling upon Champaign County family court Judge Arnold Blockman to consider that concept. The billboards and radio ads have sparked a lot of discussion among users of the system and prompted the Dec. 6 meeting.

"During marriage, both parents are typically active in raising their children," McCormick said. "After divorce, children deserve equal access to both parents. But in Champaign County Circuit Court, kids rarely get that. They're caged; stuck in the old every-other-weekend-with-Dad schedule."

A Democrat elected in 1996, Blockman said he's human and can't help but be bothered by the billboards on Cunningham and East University avenues, which feature a crying child and the words: "Is four days a month with Dad really in a child's best interest?"

He's upset not because he thinks the billboard backers are right but because they don't recognize the reforms he's instituted to improve the system since he took over administration of family court.

For those unhappy about his custody rulings, Blockman said the appellate court is probably the best indicator of if his actions are appropriate.

Since taking the bench, Blockman said, 105 of his rulings have been appealed; 91 were affirmed outright; seven were partially affirmed. That means seven cases, or less than 7 percent, were overturned. Those numbers involve all kinds of cases, but for the last five years, he's done essentially nothing but family cases.

McCormick, a father of six who lives in northern Virginia and runs the coalition office out of Washington D.C., said this isn't a personal attack on Blockman but part of a nationwide campaign to get judges to do the right thing.

"I don't see Blockman as the problem. He is the solution," McCormick said. "This is not a campaign directed at him. There are a number of people heartbroken at what's left of their relationship with their children."

Blockman said it's true he doesn't grant joint custody when only one parent wants it. But it's because the law precludes him, not because he has a prejudice against a particular parent.

"Look at the criteria (outlined in the statute)," Blockman said.

He referred to the section stating a judge may enter an order of joint custody, taking into account "the ability of the parents to cooperate effectively and consistently in matters that directly affect the joint parenting of the child. 'Ability of the parents to cooperate' means the parents' capacity to substantially comply with a Joint Parenting Order."

Those who met with McCormick were asked to complete surveys asking if they'd help with cash, write to legislators, talk to reporters, monitor judges or recruit members, for example.

The group decided it wanted a town hall meeting on shared parenting in Champaign or Urbana and tentatively scheduled one for Jan. 26. McCormick also discussed the possibility of a march to the courthouse with 150 or 200 people, suggesting it could generate national TV coverage.

"I want wholesale legislative changes," he said, adding that disgruntled noncustodial parents have to work together to have their voices heard. "Judges are not hearing en masse that this doesn't work."

Read the entire article by clicking on the title - link to the American Coalition for Fathers and Children here.

Congratulations Angry Dad

Angry Dad has finally seen his court case (at least in respect to custody) resolved - and just in time for Christmas!

From his site: The judge ordered 50-50 custody starting Jan. 23. We will alternate weeks with the kids. Alimony was terminated. Child support was slashed. My ex-wife has to get a job.

Stop in and say congratulations.

Sharing the kids can be painful this time of year

Sharing the kids can be painful this time of year
Rachel Bryant

This is an article along the lines of my post Happy or not - the Holidays are here.
Excerpts:

1.) Don't forget that your relationship with your children will always be more important to them than where they spent the 25th of December in 2005. Long after the holidays are over, it is the loving bond between parents and their children that sustain them and provide a model for the kind of parent that they will one day want to be.

3.) Focus on what you can do, rather than what outside interference has taken away. What do you want your children to take away from this season? Is it the family time together, the joy of opening presents Christmas morning, or the spiritual message of the season that is important to give your children this time of year. All three of these can be accomplished regardless of visitation schedules. Again, it may not be your first choice, but if the message vs. having it your way is the priority for your children, than all can still be accomplished.

As for spending time together, use the time you have to make holiday moments with your children. Kids' memories of what Mom or Dad did for the holidays are not bound by a date. Special decorations, traditional songs, shopping sprees, family recipes, or new traditions are still all yours for the making.

4.) Take special care of yourself this season. While we all can get exhausted with work, family, holiday demands, etc., the parent who is struggling with the painful reality of family separation has an immeasurable additional burden. One of the best ways you can help your kids to get through this change, even if it is not the first year, is to let them see you take care of yourself. Use your family, friends, prayer, hobbies, therapy, exercise, work, a massage, a manicure, or all of the above, to bring yourself moments of comfort, sustenance, and peace. You have a right to your deep feelings and reactions to what has happened, and you need to take care of them.

And remember, it is ultimately your love, and with that love your lessons for your children, that they will take with them forever.

PBS Propaganda Piece

PBS Propaganda Piece
by Carey Roberts

Excerpts below. Link directly to the piece to read it in its entirety and to be able to link to Mr. Roberts source material.

I’ve never heard of a Public Broadcasting Service documentary being slammed by two ombudsmen in the space of one week. But that’s exactly what happened to PBS’ ill-fated program, Breaking the Silence.

The program, billed as an exposé of divorce courts, said that custody of abused children is often awarded to the abusing parent. Government reports reveal that mothers are more likely than dads to abuse and neglect their children and that mothers in fact are awarded child custody about 85% of the time – so the documentary producers did have a point.

But the problem with Breaking the Silence is not just flawed and unethical journalism. Bode’s greater concern was the fact that the program “has been a launching pad for a very partisan effort to drive public policy and the law.”

Insanity in Kansas

Reasons to stay out of Kansas:

Judge rules for mother in custody case where father is in Iraq

Excerpts:

LAWRENCE, Kan. - A custody battle between a Marine stationed in Iraq and his estranged wife may have implications for all Kansas service members who are overseas, according to a lawyer involved in the case.

A Franklin County judge has twice ruled that a federal law meant to protect military personnel from civil litigation does not apply in the custody case between Marine Cpl. Levi Bradley and his estranged wife, Amber Bradley.

Levi Bradley, who has lived in Pomona and Ottawa, filed for divorce in May. When he was deployed to Iraq, he asked for a delay in the custody case over their 2-year-old son.

The Servicemember's Civil Relief Act, signed in 2003, shields military personnel in Iraq, Afghanistan or other war zones from lawsuits and evictions until they are back in the U.S. The law required judges to postpone judgment for at least 90 days if the service member applies for more time.

Court records show that Levi Bradley and his mother, Starleen Bradley, had legal custody of the child when he was deployed in July. Amber Bradley, the Marine's estranged wife, signed the agreement.

Levi Bradley asked in October - a month before the first child custody hearing was scheduled - to delay further proceedings. The application included a letter from his commanding officer in Iraq and his own testimony, as the law requires.

But on Nov. 8, Franklin County Judge James Smith ruled that the mother should get custody of the child, saying the federal law didn't apply because the temporary action affected the child, not Levi Bradley himself.

Apology to student suspended for speaking Spanish in school

The boy, a high school junior, was sent home from the Endeavor Alternative School in the Turner School District on Nov. 28 for talking in Spanish, his native language, at lunch and later in the day. Principal Jennifer Watts sent him home and suspended him through the following day.

District officials said Watts told the boy's father the suspension was a direct result of his speaking Spanish. Superintendent of Schools Bobby Allen reversed the suspension within hours of learning about it from the father, the district said.

"As soon as he found out, he contacted the parent and said that should not have happened," said Bart Swartz, the district's executive director of certified personnel.

Michigan House Proposes Reduction in Federal Child Support Enforcement

MichNews.com

Excerpts:

The House bill proposes a $5 billion, 40 percent reduction in federal child support enforcement. This is a refreshing surprise, and it may finally raise awareness that child support has been a failure and should be phased out in favor of alternative types of agreements between parents. Recently, Fathers’ rights movements have sprung up all over, advocating a fairer system that doesn’t doubly punish the non-custodial parent and incite hostile relations. Handing impoverished custodial parents free money will not give them the incentive to lift themselves out of poverty, but requiring them to make it on their own will. Eliminating part of the federal bureaucracy responsible for chasing fathers down sends a much-needed message that child support is one government function that should be abolished.

Mlive.com

Excerpts:

It was approved by all nine Republican Michigan House members and opposed by all six Democrats as part of the sweeping Deficit Reduction Act of 2005. Differences between the House legislation and a Senate cost-cutting bill are being worked out by a conference committee this week.

The effective 24 percent cut to the budget for child support enforcement would jeopardize positions in the 2,800-member work force that processes child support cases throughout the state, she said.

The cuts would result from a gradual reduction in federal funding for child support enforcement from 66 percent to 50 percent over five years.

"Child support is the safety net for most families ... this is money for groceries, for gasoline, for heat," said Susan Thorman, president of the Friend of the Court Association and Shiawassee County Friend of the Court.

But the Atlanta, Ga.-based National Family Justice Association, which advocates for noncustodial parents, backs the cuts and calls them a move toward improving child support agencies.

"If a system or service is broken or not functioning properly, the U.S. taxpayers should not have to pay outrageous sums of their hard-earned money while the system is not held accountable for their inadequate performance," Murray Davis, who is based in Southfield and serves as group's board president, said in a written statement.

Vermont Pro Se

Another good site if you are representing yourself in Vermont.

VermontJudiciary.org

Idaho Pro Se Representation

The Court Assistance Office (CAO) is a one-stop clearinghouse to access legal services and other resources for those involved in family law cases and other civil (non-criminal) court matters. There are currently court assistance offices in twenty-three courthouses around Idaho. Some of the court assistance office resources, such as an attorney roster, court forms and instructions, can be accessed directly from this site. For other services and materials you may need to call or visit the Court Assistance Office nearest you. The links below will tell you where to find and how to contact the nearest court assistance office, what services and materials are available there, and how to view or download the roster of attorneys or the court forms and instructions.

CAO Website

Public hearings scheduled to start Monday on new child support guidelines - Georgia

macon.com

Excerpts:

Georgians will get to comment on the state's new child support guidelines at a series of public hearings across the state scheduled to start Monday evening.

The guidelines were developed because of a new state law that stipulates that judges setting child support payments must consider the incomes of both parents - not just the ones without custody.

The hearings are planned in Albany, Atlanta, Columbus and Savannah.

Compromise reached on child custody bill - NH

Compromise reached on child custody bill
House agreement is nod to father groups

Excerpts:

Judges would be required to explain in writing what evidence they used in making child custody decisions under a compromise bill recommended by a House panel.

CPB Ombudsmen Report on "Breaking the Silence"

The Corporation for Public Broadcasting Ombudsmen has now weighed in on "Breaking the Silence."

CPB

Excerpts:

The experts provided by Lasseur/Tatge debunk PAS as "junk science." At one point the film states that PAS "has been thoroughly debunked by the American Psychological Association." Contacted for verification by a number of critics and viewers, the APA's communications director stated:

"The American Psychological Association does not have an official position on parental alienation syndrome--pro or con."

In this case it appears that Lasseur/Tatge plainly got it wrong. In a statement released to their website, the producers now say something quite different than they did in the film:

"We do not make the assertion that the phenomenon of alienation does not exist, simply that PAS seems to be wrongly used as scientific proof to justify taking children away from a protective parent."

My conclusion after viewing and reviewing the program and checking various web sites cited by critics is that there is no hint of balance in Breaking the Silence. The father's point of view is ignored as are new strategies for lessening the damage to children in custody battles. There is no mention of the collaborative law movement in which parents and lawyers come to terms without involving the court, nor of the new joint custody living arrangements.

The producers apparently do not subscribe to the idea that an argument can be made more convincing by giving the other side a fair presentation. To be sure, one comes away from viewing the program with the feeling that custody fights are a special hell, legally, emotionally, psychologically. But this broadcast is so slanted as to raise suspicions that either the family courts of America have gone crazy or there must be another side to the story.

One critic who reached CPB cited reports that the Mary Kay Ash Foundation is providing a stipend so that every battered women's organization in the country can put on private screenings of this film for their local judges and legislators. If so, PBS may find it has been the launching pad for a very partisan effort to drive public policy and law.

PBS says it has received around 4,000 letters, calls and e-mails about Breaking the Silence. The National Organization for Women issued an action alert calling for mail supporting the program. Glenn Sacks used his radio show to promote mailings objecting to the broadcast. Jan McNamara the director of corporate communication at PBS says the program is now under official review. That's good. Along with the motives of its sponsor (The Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation), Breaking the Silence needs to be reviewed for accuracy, fairness and balance.

UPDATE: BloggingBaby is also talking about this...

Counselor overstated qualifications, charges say - KY

Counselor overstated qualifications, charges say

If your custody evaluation was administered by G. Steven Alexander you should look into whether his opinions will now be reconsidered.

Excerpts:

Officials are looking into whether the charges against G. Steven Alexander could force them to reopen cases in which he testified, including child custody, domestic violence and guardianship cases.

"I intend to fight the charges, and I will not roll over and play dead," said Alexander, who is licensed as a clinical professional counselor in Kentucky.

Alexander acknowledged that he is not licensed by the state as a psychologist. He admits he has testified in court that he holds a doctorate in psychology. He said the degree came from Madison University in Gulfport, Miss., an online correspondence school, and that he wrote a dissertation for the degree but did not take courses.

Madison University is not recognized by The Southern Association of Colleges and Schools in Decatur, Ga., one of six regional academic accrediting organizations, said Belle Wheelan, president of the association.

Foust said the charges against Alexander raise questions about every case in which he testified and presented his resume. But Foust said it will be up to lawyers in those cases to ask to reopen them or have the verdicts or judgments set aside.

Vacation

The Divorce and Custody blog will be taking the remainder of this week off for a much needed vacation. I have re-posted below some thoughts about the holidays that I wrote last December. In my experience this time of year can be one of the most difficult times for divorced parents and children. My parents are divorced and my husbands parents are divorced so fitting everyone in while we have my stepson (who splits the holidays between our home and his mother's home) is ridiculously hard every year. We always have to step back and think about the easiest way to accommodate our families while keeping my stepson as the main focus of the day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Happy Or Not- The Holidays Are Here

Just wanted to take the time to say Happy Holidays to everyone! This can be a very difficult time of year for divorced parents. So here are my things to remember:

1. Generally, the states provide non custodial parents half of their child's time off for Winter Break. If you are like my parents who live in different states - one year my father has the first week of vacation (including Christmas Day) and then the kids fly out on the 26th to spend a week with my mother. The following year the reverse - my mother has the first week with Christmas Day and the kids fly home on the 26th. To that end, whichever parent does not have the children over Christmas Day gets to have them over Thanksgiving. So for example, this past Thanksgiving my mother flew my younger siblings to her home, next year they will stay home with my dad but fly out the first (or second) day of winter break.

If you are like my husband and your ex lives in the same town (or general area) regardless of what custody arrangement you have (unless restricted to supervised or something of that ilk) the law generally provides you split all holidays. This can mean a literal split - 12 hours with each on each holiday or it can be split each year. My husband and his ex wife are on a one week/one week schedule. Halloween almost always falls into his week while New Years Eve almost always falls into her week. Instead of switching half way through the day (especially since the "fun" parts of Halloween and New Years are at specific times) or trading off each year - they have just declared Halloween his and New Years Eve hers. This prevents a lot of scheduling conflicts, questions, etc as everyone is fully aware of the schedule. This would also be an example of "splitting" the holidays. However, this is possible because they agreed - if the court had been forced to decide a half day split would have likely been ordered on both days.

For Christmas, one year one parent has the child Christmas Eve and overnight until midday Christmas Day - the next year they switch. Again, it is easy and something they agreed to without court assistance.

I am just providing all of this so you realize splitting the holidays does not have to mean at 12:00 pm one party turns the children over to the other party. Try to work with each other and around the traditions of the other.

But most important - WORK IT OUT FAR IN ADVANCE OF THE HOLIDAYS! Something about the holidays seems to bring out raw emotions in everyone, particularly if this is your first after the divorce. Come to an agreement, put it in writing and have it filed - and then adhere to it! It will make it a lot easier on everyone - particularly your kids.

2. Your children did not want you to divorce. They ALSO do not want to see you continue to fight or degrade the other. It doesn't matter whose fault anything is - they love you both - RESPECT THAT. Children see themselves as half mom - half dad. If you make negative comments about mom or dad in front of them - they see themselves negatively. The holidays are for them - this is harder for them to understand and get over than it is for you - make every effort to make this a painless and enjoyable holiday for them no matter how lousy or angry you are feeling.

3. Someday this will end. I know it is hard to imagine a life in which your everyday is not colored by a "custody arrangement" - wondering if you got all the school paperwork, find homework, trying to balance who will purchase clothes (will you share a winter coat or each have your own?), who will schedule (and remember) dentist, doctor, tryouts... Is your support paid- why is the support late.... Whatever your daily issues may be - they will end.

My parents oldest and youngest child are 13 years apart. That definitely prolongs the experience - but even for them (I keep telling them) someday it will end.

Where will you be when it does? Do you really want to spend the next 1 -20 years constantly battling with someone else? Do you want to spend those years internalizing your bitterness? Even if that is what your ex chooses to do? Would that be a productive use of your time?

Eventually your child(ren) will reach the age of 21 or graduate college - generally when agreements disappear. At that point you will have an adult child who will still need/want to spend the holidays with someone - but there will be no more description of how they will be spent. A good previous relationship with your ex about the holidays will be conducive to a good subsequent relationship. Now you will just have the added stress of what your child(ren) and potentially their new family will be able to manage.

Make decisions with your children as your first factor to consider - but don't live for your children. In this I mean, (as an example) abstain from remarrying a new spouse until your children are out of the home, but don't abstain from dating or having a life outside of your children. Eventually your children will have their own lives. If you have spent the previous time obsessing over them and every punctuation mark in your custody decree - you will probably be in very bad shape when that decree ceases to exist and your children go off on their own.

If you are paying child support - and you believe it to be an inordinate amount - make sure you place your anger in the right place. Although it is unfortunate that your ex cannot see the benefit to having a financially sound co parent - the courts and the government dictate child support levels. Get mad at them if you need to be mad. Get mad at the broken system we call family law. Get involved in a group attempting to change that system. (But if you do this do not let it overtake you. Everything in moderation - don't forget to enjoy the blessings in your life - your kids). Regardless of your levels of child support, find a way to save. You may have to reduce your standard of living - but eventually you may find yourself needing to pay for college and you WILL want to retire. Don't let the courts prevent you from fulfilling the dreams you have - just change the manner in which you achieve those dreams and be realistic about what is attainable considering the current system you are under. I know this is all easy to say and I know that some of you have horrific stories where you are ordered to pay more than you actually make, plus your ex's attorney fees, etc... If you are in that kind of situation I encourage you to continue to petition the court for relief - try doing it pro se, there is help out there for people who want to represent themselves.

My mother is the type who lives through her children and sticking my father at every opportunity. She has had a series of failed marriages and relationships - something I attribute mainly to the extent of her anger at.... Everything - stemming from the courts mandating her to "share" the custody of her children with their father. She has spent thousands and thousands of dollars (requiring my father to spend the equivalent) battling over the most petty of issues in a courtroom. Now that she is the one paying support she withholds it at regular intervals. At the risk of delving too deep into this - I will say I am certain that when my youngest sister (now 16) is finally free of a court ordered custody arrangement, my mother will surely fall apart. She has no other focus in her life than to control us and her partners - who all quickly leave her after witnessing the depths of her anger - furthering her need to "punish" my father for this life he forced her into by impregnating her.

Ask yourself how you envision your life once your children have graduated college or gone out on their own - and then make the necessary choices to get there. While having children and an ex spouse may encompass your entire life today - you will likely have quite a number of years where this will not be the case. Don't forget to plan for this time too and don't let yourself become so bitter and directed that you don't know how to do anything except stew about how badly you got screwed.

4. I can't remember the exact verbiage - but I was told once by a mediator that in 18 years parents will make close to a half a million decisions about their children. This will be everything from what to eat for breakfast to what time to set curfew. Some decisions are more important than others. Ask yourself what you are arguing about in court? Is the money you are expending on your attorney, evaluator, etc... plus the tension you are breeding with your ex worth the decision of whether your ex feeds your child too many fish sticks? If you consider roughly 70 decisions are made a day, you could be in court for the rest of your life... is it worth it? Add up what you spend on your attorneys in a month and then figure out what that would be invested for the next 15 years - you might find you just wasted a year of college for your child...

To that end, cooperative parents try to identify the positives about the other and let slide some of their more lacking attributes. Come on, you married the person - you know that he/she is not such a great cook, terribly organized, timely, athletic, whatever.... Keep in mind that while at the others house the kids may eat more fish sticks but they will also have the advantage of accessing all of those wonderful things about your ex. And there are wonderful things - remember, you used to think so too! No one ever died from eating fish sticks!

Truthfully I have never heard of a case with fish sticks but I have heard about a couple who spent around $20,000 arguing about whether one fed the children too much macaroni. Seems pretty ridiculous, right? Ask yourself if any of your issues are equally ridiculous.

5. Finally, whatever scenario you have with your ex, remember this - YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS DAY BACK WITH YOUR CHILDREN. There will never be another Christmas 2005. So whether you see your kids for a day a month or half the month - TAKE ADVANTAGE. There will come a day when your children get to decide for themselves where they go - and they will remember if you spent the past years degrading their other parent, being mad about the arrangement - or if you cherished every second you had with them. And those decision's will come back to you once the court can no longer control your family. Make the right ones!!

Make this holiday as wonderful as you can - don't dwell on what your don't have - focus on what you do...

PBS's negative picture of fathers

Boston.com

Cathy Young has weighed in on the PBS "documentary" Breaking the Silence.

Cathy also has her own blog, The Y Files, and you can see her post directly related to PBS here.

PBS's negative picture of fathers
By Cathy Young

Excerpts:

The film's point is simple: Children in America are routinely ripped from their mothers and given to fathers who are batterers or molesters. The women's claims of abuse are not believed by the courts and are even held against them when mothers are suspected of manufacturing false charges as a divorce strategy.

To fathers' groups, ''Breaking the Silence" is blatant antidad propaganda. In a campaign led by the Boston-based Fathers and Families, PBS has been bombarded with thousands of calls and letters. It is now conducting a 30-day review of the research used in the film.

There is no question that our legal system fails children all too often. But the PBS documentary presents a skewed and sensationalist picture.

The website of the film's producers, Tatge/Lasseur productions, lists two sources for these claims: a study of 39 abused women involved in custody litigation in Massachusetts, and the 1990 report of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Gender Bias Study Committee which states that fathers who actively seek custody obtain primary or joint physical custody over 70 percent of the time.

But the 70 percent figure was not limited to domestic violence cases. It is also highly misleading, since it doesn't separate custody disputes from cases in which the father gets custody by mutual consent. In contested custody cases, mothers are two to four times more likely to prevail.

Lasseur told me that if he had encountered cases in which an abusive mother was awarded custody of the children, he would have reported on them. I asked about the claim on a battered men's advocacy site that a man named Tom Gallen had approached him with exactly such a case. Lasseur conceded that Gallen had a well-documented story but explained that, relying on his ''instinct as a producer," he felt that Gallen wouldn't be the right person to use.

The filmmakers contend that their only concern was the well-being of children. Yet, if the film contributes to a climate in which fathers who seek custody are tagged as suspected abusers, it could endanger children as well. PBS should rectify this bias by presenting programs with a different point of view.

Pro Se divorce in Texas

News 8 Austin

Pro Se divorce in Texas

There is no law requiring a couple to have a lawyer in order to file for a divorce. Someone can file for divorce pro se, which means “for oneself.”

There are a few steps to completing a divorce, and the State Bar Association offers a Pro Se Divorce Handbook.

To file for divorce in Texas, you need to have lived in Texas for six months, including three months in the county in which you file. You must first file an original petition for divorce and pay court costs, which are usually around $200.

You then have to notify your spouse that you have filed for divorce. Your spouse then can file an answer to the divorce suit. Finally, you must request the court to schedule a final divorce hearing. This cannot take place until the divorce petition has been pending for 60 days -- Texas' version of a cooling-off period.

When children and property are involved, a divorce gets more complicated. If there are children, the court will want to ensure that the issues of child support, custody, and visitation are addressed.

There are situations when it is almost always best to hire a lawyer to handle your divorce. For example, if one spouse gets an attorney, the other spouse should try to get a lawyer, assuming one can be afforded.

Also, if children are involved in the divorce it is usually best to hire a lawyer. The same is true when the couple getting divorced owns substantial property or substantial assets.

Breaking the Science

I have added a new site under the Links heading: Breaking the Science.

The site "is about the broken "science" that's being used to create law and drive social policy" and currently includes a large section on domestic violence.

Glenn Sacks vs PBS

Glenn has posted more updates in regard to his campaign against the PBS program Breaking the Silence. You can link to the campaign page here.

PBS is now sending a letter stating that they "have initiated a review of the research behind and conclusions presented" by the film, and that their review will be completed by early December. You can view the letter here.

Sadia Loeliger, a mother featured in the program, has responded to the charges that she abused children under her care via Trish Wilson's blog. It can be viewed here. Glenn has in turn pointed out some of the discrepancies in Ms. Loeligers account of events. His response can be viewed here.

New Blog Addition

I have added One Father's Fight to the Other Blogs section. He is a father in Michigan and like Angry Dad he is chronicling the events of his Pro Se case on his blog.

Report: Men need some help - NH

Concord Monitor

Report: Men need some help
Trouble areas: health, schools, legal system

Excerpts:

In the group's first report, New Hampshire's Commission on the Status of Men recommends that the state devote more resources to correcting the gender biases men face in divorce and domestic violence cases, as well as promoting the role of fathers in families.

The commission, the first of its kind in the country, was established in 2002 as a counterpart to the state-funded women's commission. Most of its seven members have some background in social welfare, mental health or family law.

Much of the report is concerned with what commission members describe as the biases leveled against men in divorces, child support arrangements and custody disputes. In research and in meetings held over the last year, the commission found that many fathers feel they are treated unfairly in family court disputes. Many complained of judges who automatically side with mothers, child support guidelines that leave the father with little income, and a general lack of understanding of the benefits of a father-child relationship.

Citing numerous studies that show children who spend time with their fathers are better-adjusted, the report recommends that the state provide funding to the men's commission so it can launch a public awareness campaign to support bringing fathers and children together. The commission does not receive any public money.

The report also discusses domestic violence. Men told the commission that some women accuse men of assault so that the judge will award the woman custody of the couple's children. Judges tend to take the woman's side, the report states, which can make it difficult for the man to dispute the charges later.

The commission also studied the traditional assumption that all domestic violence is caused by men, and it found studies suggesting that women assault men just as often. Domestic violence education and advocate training programs tend to compound the bias by referring to perpetrators of violence in male terms.

"Efforts to get relief from the domestic violence problem have been unduly influenced by special interests who have successfully sold the problem as solely a responsibility of males over the years," the report states. "The whole truth on this emotionally charged dichotomy isn't being fully revealed."

For first time, Pa. voters oust a Supreme Court justice

NEPA News

While the decision to oust this judge appears to hinge on salary issues - make no mistake that this is an important example of how the judicial branch (not to mention the legislative) can be taken back through collective action.

Excerpts:

In an unprecedented vote, Pennsylvanians denied a Supreme Court justice a second term Tuesday as public anger at state lawmakers over a pay-raise law spread to the state's highest court. A second justice won another term only narrowly.

Justice Russell M. Nigro received only 49 percent of vote _ making him the first statewide judge to be turned out of office in a yes-or-no retention election in the 36 years such elections have been held.

Justice Sandra Schultz Newman won a second term with 54 percent of the vote, a close margin for a retention election, the partial returns showed.

In the last judicial election in 2001, the three jurists on the ballot all were retained by margins of 3-1.

"It's a clear signal that Pennsylvanians have awoke from their long slumber," said Russ Diamond, chairman of PACleanSweep, a political action committee that aims to challenge every incumbent legislator in next year's elections. "I think that the voters fully understand what's going on here."

Senators striving to revamp Family Court- South Carolina

Anderson Independent Mail

Excerpts:

For three of those senators, top goals for the bill include: • Making mediation mandatory for all family court cases. • Reducing marriage-license fees for couples who complete pre-martial counseling. • Updating the formula used to decide how much a parent should pay in child support. • Giving the Family Court system more power to have contempt-of-court charges issued to someone if they fail to pay child support. • Assigning hearing officers to handle minor family court cases, leaving judges to handle the more serious cases.

After listening to concern after concern, Sen. Bryant said he wants to see an incentive given to couples for enrolling in pre-martial counseling. This idea, he said, would hopefully lighten the caseload that family court judges must handle.

But he also wants to see a statewide requirement for pre-trial mediations in family court cases.

"Right now, the families are going directly into court and there it is a battle," Sen. Bryant said.

People's Law School To Convene In Albany - NY

North County Gazette

Excerpts:

ALBANY--The People's Law School, a new initiative presented by the New York State Bar Association, will operate on consecutive Tuesday afternoons from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. beginning on Nov. 15 and running through Dec. 13 in the Great Hall of the Association's Albany headquarters at One Elk Street.

Each People's Law School lecture will last approximately two hours and will feature respected legal experts who will use real-life examples and anecdotes to demonstrate how the law really works in easy-to-understand, interesting and informative sessions.

People's Law School attendees will receive an updated version of the bar association's popular handbook, "Understanding the Law - a Practical Guide for New York State Residents." Each presentation also will be recorded and made available on audiotape, videotape, DVD, and online.

The program is free for those who pre-register. A $5 fee will be charged for those who register at the door. No prior legal education or knowledge is required. To register, please contact the New York State Bar Association Department of Continuing Legal Education at 518-463-3200.

TOPIC: Matrimonial Law including grounds for divorce; models for representation; child custody; an overview of financial issues, such as child support, maintenance and equitable distribution DATE: Tuesday, 11/15/05 SPEAKER(S): Florence M. Fass, Esq., Fass & Greenberg, LLP, Garden City; and Charles P. Inclima, Esq., Biernbaum Inclima & Meyer, LLP, Rochester

TOPIC: You and Your Lawyer will address some of the myths and misconceptions about the legal profession; how to find a lawyer; what to expect in terms of financial arrangements with your attorney; the Client's Bill of Rights DATE: Tuesday, 12/6/05 SPEAKER(S):A. Vincent Buzard, Esq., Harris Beach PLLC, Rochester; and Steven C. Krane, Esq., Proskauer Rose LLP, NYC

FindLaw.com Launches New 'Family Law Center'

The public site FindLaw has dedicated a portion of the site to issues of Family Law.

Link to it here: Family Law Center

Dads making strides in child custody battles - NH

Portsmouth Herald

Excerpts:

PORTSMOUTH - Family law experts say they are seeing a change from the presumption that a children are always better off with their mothers in cases of divorce.

"In 2005, I see the courts looking very carefully at both parents, at their roles in the home, to see who is the parent providing the nurturing," said Pilkington-Casey. "Courts want to know what is the father’s role, and more and more fathers have become noticeably involved with their children, through coaching, attending school events and taking the child to the doctor’s and dentist’s. Those were traditionally considered the mother roles."

"I would say there definitely is a trend toward courts considering the interest of fathers in custody matters," said Nossiff. "That’s particularly true in Maine - less in New Hampshire, and far less in Massachusetts."

Nossiff said the passage of HB640, which involves both parents planning for their children’s future, is designed to further even the field.

But fathers’ rights groups such as NHcustody.org, are advocating for passage of HB529. The bill allows the court to begin proceeding under the premise that both parents have equal rights.

HB529 has been deferred until the 2006 session.

Michael Geanoulis is the president of the New Hampshire chapter of the National Congress for Fathers and Children. He said that 35 to 40 percent of children in this country go to bed at night without a father in the home.

Glenn Sacks PBS Campaign

Glenn Sacks PBS Campaign has entered stage three. You can get more information by clicking here.

Messy or not, divorce is hard on kids, survey finds

Messy or not, divorce is hard on kids, survey finds

Excepts:

Even in a so-called good divorce, in which parents amicably minimize their conflicts, children inhabit a more difficult emotional landscape than those who grow up with married parents, according to a new survey of 1,500 adults ages 18-35.

"All the happy talk about divorce is designed to reassure parents," said Elizabeth Margaret, author of the study, which is described in her new book, "Between Two Worlds." "But it's not the truth for children. Even a good divorce restructures children's childhoods and leaves them traveling between two distinct worlds. It becomes their job, not their parents', to make sense of those two worlds."

"The key is to separate pain from pathology," said Robert Emery, director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law at the University of Virginia. "While a great many young people from divorced families report painful memories and ongoing troubles regarding family relationships, the majority are psychologically normal," Emery said.

Breaking the Science: Ostrich Syndrome

More on the travesty that was Breaking the Silence...

Breaking the Science: Ostrich Syndrome
by Mark Rosenthal

Excerpts:

The film's inflammatory statement that, "To win custody of the kids over and against the mother's will is the ultimate victory, short of killing the kids," ignores the fact that mothers are perpetrators in 59.1% of child fatalities, whereas the number for fathers is 39.5%. And when you factor out the 20.4% of fatalities involving both parents, twice as many children die at the hands of their mothers as their fathers.

The film also states that Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) "has been thoroughly debunked by the American Psychological Assn." The APA, however, begs to differ. Rhea K. Farberman, APA Communications Director states, "The American Psychological Association does not have an official position on parental alienation syndrome -- pro or con. The Connecticut Public Television press release is incorrect."

But the real bombshell happened Wednesday, when Glenn Sacks' website published a report stating that one of the mothers in the film had been found by a court to have committed eight counts of child abuse, and that the filmmakers were informed of that fact, yet chose to portray her as the victim anyway.

If it's true that "women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner," then men constitute around 13.9% of all victims (halfway between the one man for every five to eight women that they claim). If they had featured the stories of one man and five women, they'd give the impression that 16.7% of victims are men. Overstating the number by 2.8% is what they call "grossly overstating" the problems of men? Apparently even they figured out how nonsensical their claim is, because when they posted the statement on their website, they removed the word "grossly."

But even the claim that "women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner" is highly questionable. This number comes from analysis of reported crimes, and for a whole constellation of reasons, men are far more reluctant to report being victimized by their spouses than women are. The National Violence Against Women Survey documents that victimized women (26.7%) were twice as likely as victimized men (13.5%) to report their victimization to the police. Surveying representative population samples is a far more reliable way to estimate who's doing what to whom than trying to draw conclusions from the non-representative subgroup that files police reports. Those who want to minimize the significance of female perpetrated abuse prefer the distorted picture reflected by crime statistics.

Need Another Example Of How Screwed Up Our Court System Has Become - Here You Go

LAW OF THE LAND

Court: It does take a village when it comes to sexuality. Parents 'have no due process or privacy right to override the determinations of public schools'

Excerpts:

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled yesterday against parents who sued their local school district after their elementary-age children were given a sexually charged survey, saying there is "no fundamental right of parents to be the exclusive provider of information regarding sexual matters to their children."

The three-judge panel of the full court further ruled that parents "have no due process or privacy right to override the determinations of public schools as to the information to which their children will be exposed while enrolled as students."

The controversy began in 2001 when a volunteer "mental health counselor" at Mesquite Elementary School set out to conduct a psychological assessment test of students in the first, third and fifth grades. (To first graders!) (emphasis mine)

A letter to parents asked for their consent to conduct the study but did not indicate that questions of a sexual nature would be asked. The survey included 79 questions divided into four parts. Ten of those questions were of a sexual nature.

"Anyone who wonders why pro-family organizations like ours have been so concerned about activist courts only has to look at this case," Earll said in a statement. "The 9th Circuit did more than rule against parents who were upset that their elementary-school-aged children were being asked explicit questions about sex in class. They told all parents they have no right to protest what public schools tell their children."

Continued Earll: "What the court did here is declare parenthood unconstitutional. It's long been the liberal view that it takes a village to raise a child – but never before have the 'villagers' been elevated, as a matter of law, above mothers and fathers."

Jim Crow Days For Men

Jim Crow Days For Men
by Carey Roberts

Excerpts:

Abuse of these orders is not an isolated problem. In Massachusetts, about 30,000 domestic orders are issued every year. One analysis by the Massachusetts Trial Court found that fewer than half of these restraining orders involved even an allegation of physical abuse.

Another troubling piece of this law -- clearly unconstitutional -- is its “mandatory-arrest” provisions. Let’s say you get into a marital tiff, your wife or girlfriend calls 911, and the cops come running. But in the meantime, things cool down and she asks police to leave. Fine, but don’t forget your toothbrush, because you will be going out in handcuffs.

It’s no surprise that this $1 billion-a-year anti-father juggernaut eventually takes its toll on families. Highlighting the fact that almost 40% of our nation’s children now live in a home without their own father, Schlafly urges Congress to “conduct an investigation to find out how much of this fatherlessness is the result of bad government in the hands of a small radical group that is biased against marriage and fathers.”

Related article: Time to Defund Feminist Pork — the Hate-Men Law by Phyllis Schlafly

Campaign Update: PBS BOMBSHELL - Glenn Sacks

This is directly from an email:

PBS Portrays Known Child Abuser as Hero:Juvenile Court, CPS, Family Court Records Detail Mother's Physical Abuse

Sadia Loeliger, one of the central characters in Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories, is portrayed by the filmmakers as a heroic mom. The filmmakers spotlight and applaud her fight to gain custody of her daughter Fatima, who is also featured.

After the film's debut I was contacted by Dr. Scott Loeliger, Sadia's ex-husband, and we are now revealing, for the first time publicly, Sadia's long, documented history of child abuse--a history which the film's producers chose to ignore despite repeated warnings.

We are launching Round 2 of our campaign against Breaking the Silence today--read the shocking Loeliger revelations here and then return to this E-newsletter for instructions on how you can participate.

Round 2 of the Campaign Begins

To date, we have generated over 4,000 calls and letters to PBS protesting Breaking the Silence. Round 2 begins now--I want all of you to join our campaign by clicking here.

There have been many indications, some of which I am not at liberty to discuss, that our protests have concerned PBS. The film, which aired on some PBS affiliates on October 20 and will air on many others in the coming weeks, is a direct assault on fatherhood. The film portrays fathers as batterers and child molesters who steal children from their mothers. We want PBS to allow both sides of this issue to be heard.

Again, I want all of you to join our campaign by clicking here.

Our Side Gets Chance to Speak on Houston PBS

To its credit, Houston PBS followed through on its commitment to allow our side to air its view of Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories and Parental Alienation Syndrome on its round-table discussion show The Connection on Friday, October 28 at 8 PM CST and again on Sunday, October 30 at 5 PM CST.

The show featured Dr. Reena Sommer, an expert on Parental Alienation Syndrome, as well as Andy Sperling, director of Fathers for Equal Rights in Houston. The opposition was represented by Thomas H. Burton III, General Counsel for the nonprofit organization Justice for Children.

Burton labeled Parental Alienation Syndrome "junk science" and his group's website calls claims of PAS an "unethical, immoral" tactic.

According to Barbara Sweet of Help Stop PAS Inc, our side's points came across loud and clear.

Thanks to Sweet, who has done a lot of good work on this issue, as well as to Sommer and Sperling.

Also, I suggest you commend Ken Lawrence, the Director of Programming for PBS of Houston, for his evenhandedness--to write him, click here.

To read a more detailed description of the Houston broadcast, click here.

I'm disappointed and a little surprised at the position Justice for Children is taking on PAS. I had one of their leaders, Donnalee Sarda, on His Side with Glenn Sacks earlier this year, and while Donna and I certainly don't see eye to eye on everything, she seems much more reasonable than what is posted on their website.

I receive a steady stream of letters from target parents of PAS, and I told some of the stories I was able to investigate in the first part of my co-authored column PBS Declares War on Dads (World Net Daily, 10/20/05). To deny that alienation exists, or that children can buy into the alienation and align themselves with the alienating parent against the target parent, seems to me to be an intellectually untenable position.

However, this is certainly not to say that claims of PAS are not misused--in my co-authored column PBS' Breaking the Silence: Family Law in the Funhouse Mirror (Albany Times Union, 10/20/05, Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, 10/24/05) I noted:

"To be fair, it is true that there are fathers who have alienated their own children through their abuse or personality defects, and who unfairly blame their children's mothers by claiming PAS. Yet parental alienation is a common, well-documented phenomenon. For example, a longitudinal study published by the American Bar Association in 2003 followed 700 'high conflict' divorce cases over a 12 year period, and found that elements of PAS were present in the vast majority of them."

To hear Sommer and Judy Jones of Help Stop PAS Inc on His Side, see The Lohstroh Case: Alienating Mother Pushes 10 Year-Old Boy to Kill Father (10/31/04).

Mental Health Professionals Condemn PBS's Breaking the Silence, Endorse Campaign

Last E-newsletter we announced that the American Psychological Association Says Breaking the Silence Misrepresents Its Position on PAS. Over two dozen mental health professionals have now endorsed our campaign. To read their statement, click here.

Breaking the Silence: More Credibility Problems
American Psychological Association Says Breaking the Silence Misrepresents Its Position on PAS

A spokeswoman for the American Psychological Association says that PBS's new documentary Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories distorts the APA's position on Parental Alienation Syndrome. The film criticizes PAS, which arises when one parent tries to turn his or her children against the other parent during a divorce or separation.

In the documentary Joan Meier, a professor of clinical law at George Washington University and one of the film's chief spokespersons, states that PAS "has been thoroughly debunked by the American Psychological Association." Connecticut Public Television, one of the film's producers, put out a press release promoting the film which stated that PAS had been "discredited by the American Psychological Association."

However, according to Rhea K. Farberman, Executive Director of Public and Member Communications of the American Psychological Association, these claims are "incorrect" and "inaccurate." Farberman says that the APA "does not have an official position on parental alienation syndrome--pro or con." She adds:

"The Connecticut Public Television press release is incorrect. I have notified both Connecticut Public Television and their PR firm of the inaccuracy in their press release."

To learn more, click here.

Leader of Domestic Violence Shelter Which Helped Fund Breaking the Silence Criticizes Film

Calling Breaking the Silence imbalanced and focused on extreme cases, Pam Kallsen, executive director of the Marjaree Mason Center, a domestic violence shelter in Fresno, California, contacted her local PBS affiliate and told them she was distressed that her shelter's name and logo were associated with the program.

Kallsen had been a staunch supporter of the film project, even helping to secure funding for it, but says she changed her mind after seeing the film.

To learn more, click here.

PBS Internal Memo Tells Affiliates to Stonewall Protesters

A source at PBS sent us this confidential internal memo on Friday. The memo is an instruction sheet that PBS's national office has dispensed to their affiliates to instruct them as to how to deal with the thousands of people who have called or written them to protest Breaking the Silence. As you'll notice, the common theme of this memo is to stonewall protesters.

Manipulating Children into Making or Corroborating False Charges

An important element of Parental Alienation Syndrome is the way children can be manipulated into making or corroborating false charges. Ironically, the Los Angeles Times just published this article--McMartin Pre-Schooler: 'I Lied': A long-delayed apology from one of the accusers in the notorious McMartin Pre-School molestation case--which could serve as a textbook for the method. Kyle Zirpolo, now 30 years-old, writes:

"[As a child] I remember them asking extremely uncomfortable questions about whether Ray touched me and about all the teachers and what they did--and I remember telling them nothing happened to me. I remember them almost giggling and laughing, saying, 'Oh, we know these things happened to you. Why don't you just go ahead and tell us? Use these dolls if you're scared.'

Male Domestic Violence Victim Sues over Being Denied Access to Services

My friend Marc Angelucci, Esq. is at it again, bringing a California lawsuit on behalf of a gentleman who was badly abused by his wife and repeatedly refused services by domestic violence treatment providers. The case has several interesting twists--see Men's Rights Group: Victim Support Only For Women or watch the video here. To write to CBS13 and commend them for their coverage of this important issue, click here.

Similar suits have been brought against California shelters in the past--to learn more, see my column Plaintiff in Suit Against LA DV Shelters is Right to Demand Services for Abused Men (Los Angeles Daily News, 6/12/03).

Have You Been the Victim of a Child Support Error?

If you feel you have been billed for child support payments that you believe you do not owe, or if you believe you have experienced a questionable practice by a child support agency, Jane Spies and the National Family Justice Association are conducting a study on this issue and want to hear from you. Click here for more information.

Best Wishes,

Glenn Sacks

GlennSacks.com HisSide.com

Men of character, boys of fortune

Men of character, boys of fortune
by Rebecca Hagelin

Excerpts:

I'm the mother of two teenage boys, and believe me, I am well acquainted with the behaviors that have led to the popular phrase "boys will be boys." But I am also blessed to know what it means to my sons' development and character for them to have a father who holds them accountable, is engaged in their lives, and is intimately familiar with their strengths, weaknesses, personalities and individual needs.

Social science research, statistics and real life unequivocally tell us that the safest, healthiest, most nurturing place for children is in a home with a mother and father who are married to each other. Yet, according to the National Fatherhood Initiative, some 24 million children live in homes where fathers are absent, meaning one in three children "go to sleep in a home in which their father doesn't live." Fatherlessness is the great American tragedy of modern times.

Flip on the television and watch for just one evening. You'll find that virtually every commercial and sitcom portrays fathers as either wimpy or ignorant. The message to our kids is pretty clear: Dads are losers.

What does that say to our children about the value of their own fathers? To young boys about their own possible futures as fathers? To young girls about what to look for in a future husband? To the men who are already dads?

The media must be crazy. But I ain't crazy – either as a columnist or a wife. So as just one small voice in today's mass media, I'm going to do my part to say to all the great dads out there, "Thank you. We need you."

Spousal Notification for Abortion?

I stumbled upon this discussion of whether there should be a law requiring a woman to inform her husband of her intent to get an abortion...

Interesting to say the least.

This is difficult for me as on one hand I am in full agreement that the law needs to refrain and withdraw from issues of family.

On the other, provided at least one willing parent should we not value the life of that child and the relationship with the willing caretaker? Yes, obviously, this will require that the unwilling party (in this example the woman) to also at least financially care for the child until the age of 18-24 depending on various factors but is that not exactly what women expect from men when they choose to have children irrespective of their partners wishes?

The idea of enacting a law that further legislates families is extremely frightening. However, regardless of your ultimate stance on abortion, isn't is always preferable to err on the side of life?

You can visit the thread here: Your Scalito Random Reader

Representing Yourself in Court

It seems I have daily inquiries from fathers (or their various supporters) regarding how to proceed legally. Many of these requests come from people who appear to have very little knowledge of the legal system and are lacking the funds necessary to employ legal counsel.

To be clear before I proceed with this post - throughout our entire ordeal we always had an attorney. We tried to be proactive and informed on the course of the law, precedents, expectations, etc... But WE ALWAYS RETAINED COUNSEL. Outside of absolute necessity, I would forgo whatever I had to in order to hire an attorney for such proceedings. They are simply too complicated and too slanted for me to have any faith in my own abilities. I say this even though several members of my immediate family are lawyers (though none practice family law) and could have been excellent resources not available to most Pro Se litigants.

UScourts.gov defines Pro Se as Representing oneself. Serving as one's own lawyer. (As an aside, the entire USCourts site can be an excellent source for understanding legal terminology).

That being said, there are fathers who are representing themselves. Angry Dad has been representing himself (another interesting aside - his ex-wife retained counsel even though she herself was an attorney though she has recently dismissed her lawyer and begun representing herself as well) and you can read about his case going back to August 2004. His case is in California so if that is your state of residence you might find his insights particularly helpful.

Again, however, I have to come back to the advice of retaining counsel if at all possible. I previously made this post Retaining Custody - Step One which discusses finding an appropriate attorney as well as contacting legal aid in your area. Legal aid will inevitably come with severe income restrictions so very few people will qualify but it is worth checking into if your finances are that tight. This post is related but not necessarily relevant to self representation: Retaining Custody - Step Two.

In the forum, I recommended to one poster to contact any local law schools and inquire if they offer a legal aid program or the like. My local law school offers a monthly session where one can ask (supervised) law students legal questions. This is not the same as being assisted by legal aid but it could serve as a good sounding board for a Pro Se litigant.

Many courts are becoming more sympathetic to the needs of those who have to represent themselves and are attempting to make themselves "friendlier." Arizona, for example, has recently approved some changes to make family courts easier to maneuver for those representing themselves (most of the changes will go into effect in January). For more information on the specific changes you can visit kvoa.com or view my post on the article on the October 2005 archive page. Notable from the article are the following: "With 70 percent to 80 percent of litigants in family court cases representing themselves, a prime focus in writing the new rules was to make them understandable to non-lawyers, Armstrong said. Another significant change also explicitly allows lawyers to represent people for just part of a case, Armstrong said. "Many lawyers will not do that now because they believe there are ethical constraints."

If you are considering representing yourself another good source may be your local courthouse. I would contact the clerk or a related office and inquire whether there are any resources available to Pro Se litigants.

At various points in this blog I have provided resources for Pro Se litigants. I will attempt here to reproduce those as well as add any I find to be of use. I cannot provide direct advice about representing yourself because I am not an attorney nor have I ever taken this route; but I will try to highlight some places one could go for direction.

If you are considering representing yourself one of the first things you should know is exactly how divorce and custody laws and statutes are written for your particular state. There are several ways to go about this. You can link to the website for your particular state and here you will probably be able to access the most complete information. I am not from Illinois (congrats to the Sox by the way) but to find Illinois custody law I typed Illinois gov into Google and the first site was the state of Illinois site. (State sites should end in .gov or .us). From here I clicked on the government link, then the legislature link (on the right), then on the Illinois Complied Statues link and finally I scrolled down and clicked on Chapter 750 Families (located under rights and remedies) to find a list including the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act and the Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act amongst many others. You may have to do a bit of digging but the information should be there. In truth, it took me far longer to write all this up with the links than it took to find the information. I had never been on the Illinois site before but I had a general idea where to go which made the info fairly easy to locate. Also, on the main page there was a search box. I elected not to use this because I did not want to find things piecemeal but you could certainly give it a try and I assume most state sites include a search function.

There are probably easier ways to find variants of this information. I prefer the state sites because the laws can be viewed in their entirety (without someone taking the liberty to paraphrase for you) but admittedly sometimes the state sites can be hard to maneuver. Typing divorce laws by state into Google provided 8,610,000 results. I'll cover the first couple results here. Divorcecentral.com maintains a state list. However, while their information for Indiana took you directly to the correct page on the Indiana State site their information for Illinois was lacking. I would say use at your own risk and try to double check what you are seeing is both accurate and current. The Legal Information Institute (LII) provides an excellent list for state divorce laws.

Along with understanding the divorce statutes, if you have children you will need to understand child custody statutes as well. If you use the method of going through the state site you will easily be able to view both. While the LII does not have a custody list comparable to their divorce list, they certainly offer a lot of relevant information on child custody. The Children's Rights Council hosts a page covering Joint Custody and Shared Parenting Statutes which breaks down the legislation in each state and in many cases provides links to the related state page.

You might also want to look for a support groups or fathers advocacy group in your area. I post them on the blog when I am aware of them and you can always check your local paper. And don't be afraid to use the internet! Sometimes you may have to dig a little or refine your initial search but it can truly be an amazing source of information.

Before I delve into directed Pro Se resources I would like to talk about a couple of just generally good sites for fathers either with or without counsel. Previously I discussed two sites that offer free legal advice on general questions of divorce and custody. Read my original post and link to the sites here.

Another site I previously covered was Childcustody.net. This site is managed by an attorney licensed in Michigan which means while the advice will be credible it will only be directly applicable to Michigan residents. The site is expansive and truly a great resource.

I simply cannot say enough about the Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center (SPARC). Go there with a lot of time on your hands because the site is huge and it is all important, relevant, helpful information. SPARC should be one of your first stops on any divorce/custody question. They maintain a page for legal forms, a guide for evaluations, lists of resources by state and a bunch of other stuff like articles, message boards and chat rooms.

When we were going through our case I was extremely interested in child custody precedents. I would think this would be all the more relevant if representing yourself. LII can be a good resource for this but I always preferred lexisone. Lexisone does require registration but it is free to do so.

I have been cataloging sites that I feel to be helpful since the inception of this blog. I know it can be hard to look around on a blog but I assure you there is a lot of information on the archived pages.

Finally, go to your local library and look for books on divorce, custody, self representation, etc... The only cost you will incur through this might be late fees.

Okay, so on to resources specifically for Pro Se litigants:

American Pro Se Association: There doesn't appear to be much here unless you want to pay the $50 annual fee to be a "premium member." I tried to access a couple things but was restricted - never having been a premium member I couldn't even venture a guess if this is a worthwhile investment. Under the category Library it appears you can access some basic forms. A lot of the site was not yet operative and I couldn't access much formative regarding Family Law & Divorce without a membership.

The Pro Se Law Center has links to search for Pro Se programs as well as lists of court Pro Se services. I didn't find anything for my county but maybe you will have better luck.

PRO SE HANDBOOK - The Manual for the Litigant Filing Without Counsel. Though this was written for Idaho it may very well be a good general read to help one get familiar with court terminology and methods.

Nolawyer.com appears to exist primarily to get you to purchase something. There are a couple useful links and at least one free form that I came across. There is also a search function at the bottom of the page. The site also contains the WIZARDLAW COLLECTION OF PRO-SE LINKS. The first couple I clicked were dead links but a few were active and the list is fairly large so try at your risk.

Searching for Pro Se on Divorceinfo.com provides 155 results - most of which are categorized by state. When I clicked on the Minnesota results the only questions it answered were how hard it was to file for divorce, what paperwork needed to be filed and the cost of filing. This might be helpful to someone just initiating a divorce.

NYCourthelp.gov has a forms library that includes family law, divorce and civil forms.

The New Jersey judiciary maintains the site njcourtsonline.com which has specific resources and supports for Pro Se litigants. This is an excellent site if you are a New Jersey resident except very little of it deals with family law issues. There are two direct family links dealing with enforcement of an order in a family law case as well as a family part case information statement.

The Connecticut judiciary maintains a page for FAQ's on self representation.

NOLO also offers a How to Represent Yourself in Court FAQ. On the same page you can see other NOLO articles related to Pro Se litigants.

Colorado offers What You Need to Know About Representing Yourself in Court.

As do Maine, Utah, Vermont, Delaware, Wisconsin and DC in their respective forms.

What It Means To Represent Yourself In A Legal Matter is an article about self representation in Michigan.

California has SHARP (Self-Help Assistance and Referral Program) centers in Oroville and Chico in Butte County, and there are centers in Orland and Willows in Glenn County. The Tehama County SHARP center is in Red Bluff. SHARP provides self-represented litigants with assistance and instructional workshops in a variety of areas of law and helps them comply with the procedural processes of the court system. The SHARP center in Oroville is located in the old downtown courthouse, 1931 Arlin Rhine Drive. For more information, call 530-532-7015.

These were sites or programs that I had been emailed or had bookmarked. Surely there are more out there and I would be happy to post more. If you are aware of a helpful Pro Se program or resource please either email it to me or post it in the comments section.

UPDATE: I just learned MIsForMalevolent is also a father representing himself Pro Se. His case is based in New Jersey.

UPDATE 11/16/05: Larry Holland is a father going Pro Se in Michigan. His blog can be seen here. Also, link to my post Pro Se Divorce in Texas which includes a link to the Texas State Bar Association's Pro Se Handbook.

Update 12/5/05: Idaho Pro Se Representation

UPDATE 12/9/05: Additional info for going pro se in Vermont

UPDATE 2/7/06: Information about filing a complaint against the Friend of the Court (FOC) in Michigan.

UPDATE 3/8/06: Lawdragon: A site that allows evaluations be submitted of judges and lawyers.

UPDATE 3/27/06: Alabama Divorce, Custody & Support Info, Alaska

UPDATE 4/4/06: Arizona Divorce, Custody & Support Info

UPDATE 4/24/06: Uncontested Case for Divorce in California

Breaking the Science: Misleading Stories

The American Daily

We simply couldn't go an entire day without mentioning the mess at PBS...

Breaking the Science: Misleading Stories
By Mark Rosenthal

Excerpts:

This film seems to be the first step in a pattern that's been played out many times in the past few decades:

1. Determine what conclusions a study would need to reach in order to stampede legislators into passing the laws you want passed.

2. Conduct studies that are carefully designed ignore any inconvenient facts. Popular techniques in this step include: 1) using self-selected rather than randomized population samples, 2) taking care not to ask any questions that might elicit undesired answers, and 3) neglecting to report any results at all from any questions whose answers contradict your thesis.

3. Publicize these studies as if they were impartial research, by planting newspaper stories, publishing in journals whose referees are as biased as the studies' authors, getting corporations to fund advertising that masquerades as a "documentary", etc.

4. Use yellow journalism to scare the public into demanding that legislators pass a law to fix the nonexistent problem.

"Breaking the Silence" seems to be the publicity and hype phase of an even more insidious campaign. The goal this time appears to be stampeding legislators into passing laws that will have the effect of preventing courts from granting any form of custody (legal or physical, shared or sole) to any father over any mother's objection.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services data on child abuse shows that over twice as many children are battered by their mothers (40.8%) as by their fathers (18.8%), excluding cases in which both parents are abusive (16.9%). Source

Likewise the number of children killed by their mothers without the father's involvement is double the number killed by their fathers without the mother's involvement. Yet the filmmakers mislead viewers by interviewing only children victimized by fathers and denying children victimized by their mothers the opportunity to tell their stories.

New Jersey Support Groups

APP.com

SINGLE AGAIN: St. Mary's Ministry to the Divorced and Separated holds meetings with experienced facilitators 7-8 p.m. every Wednesday in the rectory, 747 W. Bay Ave. Call Deacon Ron Haunss at (609) 607-9447.

CHILDREN'S RIGHTS: N.J. Council for Children's Rights meets 7-9 p.m. the last Wednesday of the month at the municipal building, 31 Washington St. Those experiencing separation, divorce, child support, custody and related issues are encouraged to attend. Call (732) 505-8509.

DIVORCE: The Center for Kids and Family has a support group for children ages 7-12 who have experienced a separation or divorce. The group meets 5-6 p.m. the second and fourth Thursday of each month at the Cory Building, 599 Route 37 West. Call (732) 505-KIDS.

PARENTS ANONYMOUS: a support group for parents meets 5:30-6:30 p.m. every Thursday at the Center for Kids and Family, 591 Lakehurst Road. Call (800) THE-KIDS.

SINGLE SUPPORT: St. Joseph's support group for newly separated and divorced people meets 7:30-9 p.m. Tuesdays. Call (732) 506-6357.

DIVORCE, SEPARATION: St. Pius X parish's support group for divorced and separated people meets 7-8 p.m. monthly at St. Pius X Ministry Building, Lacey Road, Forked River. Call (609) 607-9447.

HOT LINES: Self-Help Clearinghouse maintains a database of more than 4,000 support groups in New Jersey, plus 200 help lines/hot lines. Call (800) 367-6274 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday through Friday.

PARENTS WITHOUT PARTNERS: Parents Without Partners provides activities for single parents. Call (609) 978-0403.

Divorce: Equal custody wanted - NH

Portsmouth Herald

Excerpts:

PORTSMOUTH - A bill that encourages equal custody rights for parents in divorce cases stalled in the Legislature earlier this year.
Now both fathers and mothers have launched a statewide e-mail and letter-writing campaign to get it passed in the form originally intended.

House Bill 529 contained a provision that encouraged judges to push for shared custody if possible. That provision was stripped from the almost identical HB 640, which was signed into law.

The only real difference between the two bills, said state Rep. David Bickford, R-Durham, is that HB 640 omitted wording that would have courts begin custody cases with the presumption that both parents share custody equally.

"There is already a presumption that both parents know what is in the best interest of the child, but we never came out to say it’s 50/50," said Bickford. "HB 529 starts both parents off equally, then adjusts from there.

Bickford said custody cases often pit one parent against the other. The court has set the blueprint, he said.

Bickford said passing HB 529, a bill he sponsored, does not mean that custody will be shared automatically. The judge has the leeway to make changes based on evidence of child abuse and other factors.

If the court finds that shared custody is not in the child’s best interest, the judge can rule otherwise.

Pennsylvania Lifesteps Program

post-gazette.com

Butler -- Families Forever, a Lifesteps program, is for families interested in learning how to minimize the effects of divorce and/or custody situations. The next session is from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Saturday at the Family First Resource Center, 216 N. Washington St. Registration fee is $50 per family; the program is free to those who show proof of receiving cash assistance. Call 724-283-1010 for more information.