Thursday, October 13, 2005

Divorcing parents should consider their kids, teen says

Dear Amy: I am a 13-year-old girl, but I think I've got some valuable advice for an adult who wrote to you recently.

I read the letter from "Good Mom but Tired of Being a Wife," who wanted a divorce because she and her husband were "drifting." My parents are going through the same thing.

It hurts worse than anything I've ever gone through. It's an awful blow, especially when my parents seemed completely happy before, and then all of a sudden my dad is moving out.

Guess what, if you are not a happy person, moving out isn't going to magically make you happy. In fact, it will make you more lonely and sad. It will make everyone sad.

This lady needs to work on the problem instead of blowing up her kids' lives. It is her job to take care of them. Their trust for her is on the line.

- Feeling Sad and Betrayed

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Blogger Dis said...

Yeah this is the thing that concerns me most. My wife told me she wants a divorce. It's not the first time we've had the discussion. We went to counseling the first time and I stopped going after the fourth session as my work schedule changed and there was no time we could meet... but I didn't knock myself out trying either as the things my wife said were just so very vicious and surprising to me and made me realize how much she hated me and how wrong I was about so many things in our relationship.

I was wrong and I've admitted that I was wrong to stop going. I've wanted to try again and she refuses and just wants out.

She says she is just unhappy and she has changed and I have not and she doesn't believe we have the same values or goals... though since my son was born we've barely spoken about such things and she just ignores me or pushes me away most of the time.

There have been times though when we've gotten along and I've felt our bond like it used to be, even very recently. But now she is set on this course and refuses to consider anything else.

I'm totally willing to work on things and to make changes in my behavior and our life for the sake of our son if nothing else. He is four years old and very bright and I'm worried this will destroy him. People say "better now than later" but he is VERY aware of things around him and loves being with mommy and daddy so I'm very concerned.

I could still be happy with her if she would just talk to me... and when we do talk it is good and constructive but she holds herself back from that usually.

She is really doing this for herself and I think it is a terrible thing. Wondering what others think.

You can see some of our conversations at my blog and I'd love comments.

Thanks for any advice.

6:52 AM  

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